The 12-Step Program for Recovering Vegetarians
From the Boulder CO Vegetable Rights Association
This program was founded by BVRA to help a person who was forced to be a vegetarian while working at a health-food store and attending veterinary school. She realized at the end of her third year in school that she had been brainwashed and programmed into being a vegetarian, when she really wanted to eat whatever she liked.
She decided to take control of her own diet, life, and mind; but after doing so she suffered recurring attacks of guilt, induced by the mind-control tactics of her classmates, who insisted that she should kill defenseless vegetables by ripping them out of the ground and devouring them alive!
She is now much better, thanks to the BVRA's efforts, and is on her way to becoming a normal, healthy, happy, well-adjusted Meatatarian.
Here are the steps:
- Say to yourself, every day, "Vegetables are living things and we eat them alive!"
- When tempted by miso or tofu, meditate on a big, tasty, ham sandwich.
- Talk with your houseplants. Say "Hi," show you care, ask their views, and think how hard it would be to eat one of them.
- Say "Vegetables are my friends! How could I eat my friends?" every day.
- Eat some cheese, a deviled egg, or a fancy appetizer with meat.
- When confronted by a Vegetarian, shout "NO!" 5 times, and run away.
- Go home and tell your houseplants how well you handled that Vegetarian.
- OK, time to go for it: Eat a hamburger. Be sure it's cooked very rare.
- Tell Vegetarians, "You eat living life forms! My food is dead when I eat it! "
- Meditate on a big, juicy, tender steak.
- Read as many restaurant menus that feature meat dishes as you can find. Start with those from from Ruth's Chris or Smith & Wollensky.
- Prepare a huge feast with all kinds of non-vegetarian foods on a barbecue grill with your friends. Force Vegetarians to stand downwind.
BVRA would like all those who have been compelled by peer pressure to practice Vegetarianism to realize that there is a way out of the trap. No one, not even a Vegan, is so far gone that he or she cannot help him or herself on the road to recovery.